Girl with bottleBasically, my life sucks!

I’m suffering from two heartbreaks and hardly any of my friends actually realise how much it’s hurting me…

Due to my heartbreaks, I’ve been  drinking (alcohol) more and more, to hide the pain and to make everything go away. I find when I drink I forget about everything and I think it’s a good thing, but I’m becoming dependent on it!

Whenever I get depressed, I reach for something to hurt myself with or a bottle of vodka or whiskey. Well, really I reach for any type of alcohol, but mostly spirits because it makes the pain go away quicker…

I don’t like talking to my friends about it, because in the past I have had the same experience when confiding to my friends. They all think I’m attention seeking or doing it to “be cooler than them.”

I wish they’d stop thinking that as it’s not true, I’m doing it because I’m hurt and I can’t seem to stop…

I hate feeling like I have to be dependent on something, because I’m losing my confidence and it’s affecting me making friends and being myself. Whenever I go out with friends, I hide my emotions and pretend to be happy because it’s easier than showing them and being all sad and bringing everyone down.

I hide my emotions because it’s easier than showing them. It may seem stupid, but every time I hide something away it builds up a little more and every month I have a breakdown as I just can’t handle what I’ve stored away! I’m fed up of doing this but I cannot seem to stop doing so. It’s starting to add onto the list of problems in my head, and I can’t get myself to tell anyone…

I’ve told about one or two people and every time I did, they didn’t do anything about it! They’re just saying “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine! I know you will!” …. But I don’t think they realise that I need more than just words to cheer me up and to take care of me! I need someone there and at the moment my best friend is being taken away from me, every weekend where I would normally go out with her or have her sleep over my house or vice versa, she’s sleeping over someone else’s house instead… I don’t think this person who’s taking my friend off me realises how much she’s hurting me. I’ve told her all about this, but she just says that I’m invited out with them any time! I realise that and I have been doing that, but I need my friend back sometimes to sleep over mine because me and my friend are really close and she is the only person who knows everything about me because I find it hard to open up to someone…

I’m fed up of feeling alone and dependent on things that make me feel worse! I feel better while doing those things, but it only supports my emotions a little while, then they come crashing back down again!

My emotions are like a rollercoaster at the moment, it’s annoying because I don’t know when they’re coming and going and are gonna effect whatever I’ve organised for that day….

I feel like screaming, but I don’t like screaming.

I feel like dying to be honest… I feel so alone and so full of rubbish!

I just want to dig everything out of me and just sleep…

Without waking up.

 

Advice by:

Meic

Commented on theSprout on – 12th October 2011 – 16:12pm

I can hear that you’re having a really tough time of things at the moment and I’m sorry that you don’t feel that your friends understand how much you are hurting and that you don’t think they’re able to offer you the kind of support you need.

You say that your best friend is being taken away from you by another person, but that you have also been invited to join them. It sounds as if this new person is trying to be fair to you, so maybe you could mention to them that you could really do with spending a bit more time alone with your best friend as you’re having a difficult time of things?

If you would like to talk with someone else who is always there to listen, you can always contact Meic.

We are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You can contact us by: –

Phone – 0808 8023456
Text – 84001
Webchat – http://www.meiccymru.org

I can understand how drinking alcohol may help you to forget about your worries in the short term but it’s really good that you recognise that you are becoming too dependent on alcohol as a way of trying to deal with your unhappiness.

I have attached a link to some websites which I think you might find useful in helping you to take more control over how much you drink. There is also a number that you can call if you think it would help to talk with someone who will understand what you are going through.

The organisations that we think maybe able to help are Dan 24/7 and Frank. You can contact Dan 24/7 by telephone (0800 6 33 55 88), text (81066) or send an e-mail through their website (www.dan247.org.uk). Frank can be contacted by telephone (0800 77 66 00), text (82111) or you can send an e-mail via their website (www.talktofrank.com).

This story was donated by theSprout.co.uk. To share your personal story e-mail post@red-button.org.


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